0Uganda be kidding me
Have you heard about that person who keeps taking kids in Africa? Someone should really stop Angelina Jolie...
0Oh god…
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes."
0Drunk sex is a bad idea
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time.
LOL
0On Time
Wife 1: how do you convince your husband to come home from the office on time?
Wife 2: i send text messages to him saying "sex starts at 8pm, with or without you!"
0Parent Fail
I met my gf parents for the first time. Her mom noticed the condoms in my shirt pocket and took one.
00 to 200 in 6 seconds
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
0Bitten
An old man at walmart bit me with his false teeth and pointed at the condom pack in my basket and yelled that I was too young to be having sex. I am 23 years old
Sign In
